Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
