im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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