god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
