The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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