uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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