i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
