I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
