Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
