So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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