There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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