I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
