I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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