Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
