he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
