Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
