Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
