do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
