I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
