I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
