just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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