i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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