I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
