Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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