my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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