The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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