My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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