I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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