Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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