i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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