chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
