Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
