Who did Billy Mays play for?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
