oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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