Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize