Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize