Small penises have feelings too.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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