I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
