So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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