$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
