hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
