Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
