I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
