is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
