In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
