Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize