Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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