I'm drive I can fine osifer
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
