this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
