Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
