just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
