Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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