I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
