I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize