I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
