apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
