make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
