I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
