so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
