Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
