im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
