nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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