i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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