the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
