y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize