if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
