Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
